Twenty Things I Would Rather Do Instead of Play With My Kids

I can't be the only parent who doesn't want to play Barbies, right? I'd gladly do anything from this list if it gets me out of this tea party.I love my kids.  Love, love, looooooove them.  Anyone who talks to me and makes the mistake of asking if I have kids knows this is true.  I love talking to them, I love dancing with them, I love just hanging out with them.  I love taking them to new places and finding things for them to do together as sisters.  However, there is one thing that, after eight years of parenting, I’ve never really been able to get into.

I do not like playing with them.

I don’t really enjoy sitting down for an extended session of Barbies.  I don’t want to sit and be told how to build a castle with blocks.  I am not really interested in pretending to go camping with them.  This is why I had more than one child and grandparents that enjoy buying toys: so that somebody, ANYBODY, would play with my kids besides me.  When it comes to my children, I am their biggest cheerleader, but their most reluctant playmate.

I watch people who like playing with kids, and I try to figure out what’s going on in their mind.  Are they really enjoying this?  How is that possible?  Why do these people enjoy Candyland and I just sit there, purposely throwing the game so it can be done sooner?  Have they figured out how to click off the part of their brain that wants to reach out for their phone, or the part that keeps them from freaking out about the zillion other things that need to get done before the weekend is over?  Oh shit, am I like Rick Moranis and his wife in Parenthood?
This is not to say that I don’t play with my kids.  I do.  Not as often as I assume people who do like to play with their kids, but I do force myself to participate in a game of hide and seek once in a while.  But girrrrrl, if I can find an excuse, or a reason why someone else should play instead of me, I am on it.

I can't be the only parent who doesn't want to play Barbies, right? I'd gladly do anything from this list if it gets me out of this tea party.In fact, here is a list of things I would rather do instead of play with my kids:

  1. Get a manicure from my toddler.
  2. Explain the Internet to my grandpa.
  3. Look at post-partum pictures of myself.
  4. Try on bathing suits with my skinny, childless friends.
  5. Talk politics with my family on a major holiday.
  6. Drink from the “experiment glass” my kids created at the restaurant.
  7. Sign up for a fitness class with the word “advanced” in the title.
  8. Calculate how much it will cost to send these kids to college.
  9. Watch the last ten minutes of Toy Story 3 while PMSing.
  10. Check my work email from home.
  11. Read the comments on a Miley Cyrus YouTube video.
  12. Read the comments on any YouTube video.
  13. Let my cosmetologist friend “practice” on me.
  14. Sit through someone else’s kid’s recital.
  15. Get a job working with my mom.
  16. Wear heels that are a half size too small.
  17. Listen to my dog lick his paws.
  18. Give prescription eye drops to a child.
  19. Give prescription eye drops to my husband.
  20. Go an entire day with 5% battery on my phone.

It may delight each of you to know that despite having a stone-cold heart that keeps me from enjoying things like being the boyfriend Lalaloopsy EVERY SINGLE TIME OMG CAN I JUST BE TIPPY TUMBELINA ONE FREAKING TIME, I am actually a pretty decent mom.  My kids seem to enjoy having me around, I like having them around, and I do lots of other things to make up for my lacking in the playtime department.

Now, if I could only figure out something to make up for the years of blog posts I’ve written about them…

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20 Responses to Twenty Things I Would Rather Do Instead of Play With My Kids

  1. Thank you. Just… THANK YOU. To give you an idea of how much I hate playing kid games (though, like you, I do it to reassure them my love is undying or something) when I saw, “get a manicure from my toddler”, I thought, “DAMN, I have to let the kids give me a manicure tonight.”

  2. Meredith says:

    This is SOOOO me. So, so me. I love my kids and am good at a lot of stuff with them, but I suck at playing. Terrible, terrible at it.

  3. Terri says:

    You say it so wonderfully! It is not any easier to play trains. (especially when you aren’t allowed to touch the trains) You just have to sit there and pay attention. And in our is just not the holidays that have those political debates. It’s every Sunday! 🙂

  4. Liz says:

    Agreed, nothing makes my blood run as cold as when my 4yo says, Mommy, want to play with me?

  5. Kate R. says:

    Totally agree!! And it makes me so glad I have twins, even though I have to spend half the time keeping them from beating the snot out of each other, it’s still better than playing with them. Growing up, my sister would ask me if I wanted to play a game and 9 times out of 10, my answer would be NO. Haven’t changed much since then.

  6. Fiona says:

    Yes!!!! My wonderful husband would get down on the floor and play with the castle or the garage or the farm and I would sit back and think “How does he know what to say????”

    My kids and I had create fun doing crafts, baking, cooking, playing on the beach but not with toys!

  7. qwertygirl says:

    I’m with you! My daughter went through a very short phase when she wanted me to play My Little Pony with her, and I was terrible at it. I’ll play card games, and most board games (although I really don’t like the ones that take forever, like Monopoly), but the pretend games? No thanks. And honestly, I don’t feel too bad about it–I don’t remember my mother plunking herself down on my rug when I was nine and playing Barbies with me. Because she didn’t. I adore my kids, but I’m not playing Playmobile with them.

  8. Funny. Your list exactly coincides with my list of things I’d rather do than talk to my mother-in-law.

  9. KeAnne says:

    Word. I thought I’d enjoy playing w/ my son more but I don’t. Probably because I grew up an only child who never learned how to share 😉

    • Janel says:

      I thought I would like it because I only had a brother, and I thought it would be awesome to play girl stuff with real little girls. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

  10. TiredMommy says:

    I tried. Really tried. But’s it’s difficult to be enthusiastic when my child is screaming at me, “That’s not how Minnie talks!”

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