Trippin’ Out


Tomorrow afternoon we’re going to load up the van and drive four-ish hours north and spend the weekend with our family to celebrate Easter.  It’s a fun, crazy weekend for everyone, but, like every vacation with kids, it is actually work disguised as fun.  I’ve done this exact same road trip for over ten years now, half of those years with kids, but every year I act like it’s the first year I’ve ever done this.  This is how I spend the last twelve hours before this trip (and before almost any road trip we take as a family):

1.  Realize Thursday night that oh shit, I have to pack for myself and three other people.

2.  Additionally realize that there may not be enough clean clothes to accommodate this trip.

3.  Get up Friday morning and, despite knowing how much shit has to be done within the next three hours, talk myself into the idea that there’s time for me to sit down and screw around on the Internet.

4.  Realize what a dumb fucking idea #3 was, and start digging through the mountain of clean (and, what the hell, dirty) clothes in a desperate attempt to pack for the kids.

5.  Wander from room to room in an attempt to grab things I’m remembering to bring, but then forgetting about that thing when I remember another thing I need, then forgetting why I came to that room since I forgot about thing #1.

6.  Try to clandestinely smuggle the Easter baskets, toys, and candy into the car in a place that won’t be discovered by children.

7.  Hear the same, “ALL this shit is going with us?!?!” from husband that I hear every goddamn year.  YES ALL THIS SHIT NOW PLEASE GET TO THE PART WHERE YOU LOAD IT IN YOUR CAR THANK YOU NOW WALK AWAY SO I CAN GRUMBLE UNDER MY BREATH WITHOUT YOU HEARING ME.

8.  Remember that I never asked my mom if she would check on the dog this weekend.  Leave frantic voicemail.  Fill up the dog dishes a little fuller than normal and wish him godspeed.

9.  Be reminded yet again of the year I left our suitcase with all of our clothes and personal care items on the staircase and didn’t realize it until we were four hours from home, forcing us to make an impromptu trip to Target to buy clothes and toothpaste for the weekend.  HAHAHA NOT FUNNY YET MOTHERFUCKER JUST GET IN THE VAN.

10.  Load up the kids and hand each one their drink and their snack.

11.  Listen to complaining from kids after they finish their snack while we’re still in the driveway.

12.  Stop at the Wendy’s by the freeway and remember how much this Wendy’s sucks.

The rest of the weekend, however, is pretty great.

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However, there is that pesky drive home.  Scientists: teleportation.  For reals.  GET ON THAT.

Source: Wikipedia
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15 Responses to Trippin’ Out

  1. Cherie says:

    YES ON TELEPORTATION. What the fuck is taking so long with that? We can cure HIV, eradicate Polio and clone but we haven’t figured out teleportation. Bullshit, I say.

    Love this post and I do the same thing every time we go on somewhere for more than a few hours. Procrastinators! Mount up! 😉 Happy Easter to you and your cute family!

  2. What if you mailed the baskets and met them there? Disclaimer- I have no clue how much it costs to mail stuff.

    • I like the way you think, BUT, we collectively rent & share a condo for the weekend, so there’s no real address. Plus, we don’t even really know which one it is until we get there. Bonus points for critical thinking skills, though.

  3. I get overwhelmed packing for 1 kid and 2 dogs, if I had 3 kids I’d lie and tell them our neighborhood was pretty much the whole world. Nothing to see here.

    • YOU ARE BRILLIANT. Now, I’m off to convince the five year old that all those memories of trips we took were just extremely vivid dreams brought on by extreme amounts of sugar.

  4. I’m so down with the teleportation. I, too, have a four-ish hour drive to “vacay” with the family. UGH! I must share with you my Friday morning facebook post:

    Good Friday has not been good to me so far. Before we got out of town:
    1. Screaming headache.
    2. Stopped twice for puke (not the stomach virus type. The i-have-a-weak-esophageal-valve-and-i-cough-so-hard-i-puke type. twice)
    3. I am out of coffee.
    4. Did I mention we stopped for puke twice?
    All of this and only 97% of the ride to go…..

    Started my weekend right. I was all good in the end, though.

  5. Kate says:

    We have a 13 hour trip to see the family, and I am SO down with teleportation. The way there is usually ok but by about hour 11 on the way home we are ALL feeling the pain. I just allow the 2 year old’s cries and screams to speak for all of us. NO idea how you manage to hide presents in your vehicle. We definitely mail stuff ahead of time.

    And I have also totally packed dirty clothes disguised as clean clothes for these trips. If they don’t smell or have noticeable stains, they aren’t dirty.

  6. Malia says:

    Janel! This is so me… to the T! Roadtrips are a nightmare. But the packing is so much worse, especially when they were babies! Thank God that’s over…

  7. “NOT FUNNY YET MOTHERFUCKER JUST GET IN THE VAN” Oh my god. I was laughing so hard there for a second that a little bit of snot flew out of my nose. I just discovered your blog and I’m loving the shit out of it. I’m a total newbie to blogging, but I also have three little girls and two dogs. This post is like you were spying on my life. Thank you!

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