At 37 weeks pregnant, a lot of the everyday pretense we all put up with in life pretty much goes by the wayside. I’ve compiled a short list of things that I absolutely couldn’t give a shit about anymore, for better or for worse. You’re absolutely welcome to think slightly less of me, at least until the day I push yet another human being out of my body. Then you’re a jerk for thinking anything but amazing things about me.
1) Wearing matching clothes to work: My wardrobe is pretty limited at the moment, so as long as all of my body parts are covered decently, and I’m not wearing jeans and a t-shirt, I consider myself work-dressed.
2) Whether or not my kids take a bath on a regular basis: We’re on the “every other day” plan here, and even that’s negotiable depending on how much time my kids spent in the kiddie pool that day, how wet the top part of their body got, how much of a fight they put up about taking a bath, and how tired I am. It’s a pretty complex equation.
3) Whether or not my car gets broken into while I’m away from it: Several times in the past few weeks I have come back to my car after working a full day or shopping in a store to find that I didn’t lock my car at all. The first time I was appalled; the second time, I seriously just shrugged my shoulders, said, “Eh,” and thought, “Who cares about this car anyways.”
4) Any and all temper tantrums thrown by patrons (mainly students) at the library: Maybe some of these younger students (I call them kids, but I’m not much older than they are, I guess) don’t realize how pregnant I am because I sit behind a desk. Maybe they don’t realize the personality shift that has happened in the last few weeks. That’s unfortunate for them, because while I used to feel a little bad for the kids that I had to say “no” to, that is no longer the case. I’m a pregnant version of Cedric the Entertainer’s stand-up bit about how he wishes someone would do something to him, as in, “I wish some girl would try to throw a fit about needing their student ID to check out a book.” I also have zero sympathy for the kids that don’t save their work for hours on end, then get real upset when the computer freezes or shuts down and they lose all their work. Sad but true.
Why come you don’t use your floppy disk?
5) My eating habits: This one should not really be on the list, but, honestly, it is. Until about two weeks ago, if I had to give myself a grade on my eating habits during this pregnancy, it would have been a solid B+. I could be eating more fruits and vegetables, sure, but overall, I wasn’t eating much junk food, was working a couple vegetables into my diet every day, and cooking healthier meals. Now? I’ve probably dipped down into the C+ range. Still passing, but not a grade you’re bragging to your friends about. I’m making grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner, going completely out of my way to hit the 7-11 on the way home from work, and have started joining my kids for their post-bath movie and ice cream cone.
“What are we watching tonight, girls? Wonder Pets? Yeah, this is my jam, too.