9:00 am: Denial
Oh goddamnit, the grocery store. I forgot about the grocery store. Hey, you know what? Fuuuuuuuuuck that. I’m not going today. I’m tired and it’s my day off. I’m seriously not going anywhere today. Just gonna stay home and relax. Get caught up on some laundry. I’ll go to the grocery store on…uh…I don’t know. Some day, whatever. Definitely not today.
10:15 am: Anger
AAAAAAHHHHHH THERE’S NO FOOD IN THIS FUCKING HOUSE!!! We’ve been out of pretzels for days, how the hell am I going to get through this weekend without any pretzels?!?! And that two liter of Pepsi in the fridge is certainly not going to last the day. Goddamn kids eating up all the food. I may have to go to the store today.
12:20 pm: Bargaining
Maybe I can just run to the store real quick after Surrey finishes her nap. I’ll just take her and leave the older girls home with Rob. I could shop in peace, and it would take at least thirty minutes less than it usually does. Yeah, that’s a good plan. Make a list and then just slip out the door before they even notice I’m gone. Distract them with a movie. I could handle going to the store with just one kid, I guess.
3:09 pm: Depression
I’m going to have to take all three of these assholes to the store. There’s no way I’ll sneak out of the house without someone going nuclear, and besides, I’ll never finish shopping and get home before Rob has to leave for work. This is going to suck so hard. Hey, remember last weekend when Bella threw that enormous tantrum in the store when it was time to leave? The clerks had to unload the cart onto the checkout lane after she bolted, I had to track her down in the store like a fucking big-game hunter, and then the bagger pushed the cart out to the car while I followed behind carrying a screaming, thrashing Bella.
5:09 pm: Acceptance
“Come on, girls, get your shoes on! Let’s go to the supermarket! Got your backpack on, Bella? Here’s your sippy cups, everyone! No, let’s leave at least five of these Barbies at home. Surrey, still got a clean diaper? Excellent. Now remember, we’re only buying food at the supermarket, so I don’t want to hear anyone asking for anything else. Okay, are we all buckled? Good. Great. Grand. Wonderful! Let’s go!”
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