Maybe Now Stephen King Will Start Returning My Calls

Okay, so, yeah.  So, don’t freak out or anything, but I need to tell you something.  It’s not bad!  No, I swear, it’s NOT!  Okay, okay, okayokayokay LISTEN!  It’s good, really, just listen.  Okay, ready?  NO, I’M NOT PREGNANT!  JEEZ!!!  Okay.  So…

I’m in a book.  A REAL book.  One that is published and you can touch it and buy it on Amazon (PLEASE DO THAT).

CAN YOU FUCKING BELIEVE THIS SHIT?!?!?!?

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OH JESUS CHRIST THERE IT IS!!!!!!  It’s an anthology of essays from an awesome group of writers and bloggers from In the Powder Room.  Which, if you haven’t gone there yet to read my stuff or anyone else’s, go do that right now while you’re at it and while I’m telling you what to do.

This book is going to be off the chain, you guys.  Some of my favorite people have written pieces for this collection.  Their stories are raunchy, honest, heart-felt, and hilarious.  Not all at once, but you get the idea.  It’s girl talk, bro.

I am so excited, and I just can’t hide it.

I using all the money I make from this book
to buy one of those bomb-ass sequined dresses.

I’m now realizing that I completely forgot to mention any of this to anyone in real life.  Probably because I thought if I mentioned it, something would happen and it would fall apart, or that the editor might realize that oh shit I didn’t actually read this essay, but oh yes now I see that this one was actually supposed to be in the reject pile, so sorry, better luck next time!

Except, guys?  THAT DIDN’T HAPPEN AND I AM A PUBLISHED AUTHOR IN A MOTHERFUCKING BOOK!!!!!

I am in sooooo much trouble with my mom and my family after they read this.

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16 Responses to Maybe Now Stephen King Will Start Returning My Calls

  1. Arnebya says:

    Ha! No one is gonna put you in timeout; they’ll be too excited for you! Congratulations. This is well deserved.

  2. Lynnette says:

    OMG! I just wet myself- and not just because I totally kited a check to get your book, but because- between you and Karen- all of my dreams are fucking coming TRUE!!! YAY JANEL!!!

  3. YAY! Can’t wait to read it. Seriously? You fucking rock…

  4. Nikki Palmer says:

    I’m soooo supa duper proud of you girl…and yes I will buy with my next funds!!!

  5. HouseTalkN says:

    Oh, how I love you.

  6. Leslie says:

    SHUT. UP. I love that Pointer Sisters song so much I actually referred to it in my “Lipstick” essay!!! I knew we were meant to be, Janel. So honored to have your brilliance gracing the pages of this book. Stephen King is totally going to return your calls now. I just know it!

  7. Patrick says:

    So cool! Looking forward to getting my copy. Umm, for my wife ;).

  8. Maggie May says:

    Big congratulations!!!

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