After I had kids, my grandma would always sign my birthday cards with “spend this on you.” I don’t recall if I’d ever mentioned what I actually do with my birthday money, but as someone who raised four kids herself, I’m guessing she knew from experience. I always tried to follow her advice, but you know — sometimes the kids need new sandals, or you see a t-shirt you know they’ll love…
I was reminded of my grandma’s commandment last weekend, when I went to Target with $75 worth of gift cards that I received from my family. I started out doing really well, and by the time I reached the checkouts, I realized how miserably I’d failed. So I decided to commemorate my poor shopping decisions with a haul video. A haul video, for those of you not familiar with this incredibly banal corner of YouTube, is when a person shows you everything they bought at the store. It’s basically what I do to my husband whenever I go to the store, except instead of talking at him, I can talk straight to the camera and exert less energy trying to ignore the super annoyed expression on his face.
So, a few things to remember watching this:
a) I swear a lot, obviously, because I refused to be raised correctly.
b) I realize that 142 lbs. is not a whole lot of pounds relatively speaking, but it is about twenty pounds past where I was before having kids, so it’s a big deal to me. Plus, all twenty pounds currently resides in the middle of my body, instead of spread out evenly. I recently had a come-to-Jesus meeting with my ass to let it know that unfortunately it was going to remain this size for a little while longer. I haven’t broke the news to my stomach or thighs yet, so please keep it quiet for a little bit.
c) FOR REAL, A DOG DISH?!
Okay, anyways, here it is.
So guys, please tell me this is you as well. Am I the only person who can’t walk out of Target without spending most of my money on my kids? Do you spend your birthday money on your kids? Honestly, I guess I don’t care too much, as long as I still get to kill an kid-free hour on a Saturday afternoon with that sweet $1.99 popcorn and pop combo. If birthday money is the price I pay for that little peace of heaven once a week, then so be it.
I wish I knew how to quit you, Target.
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