Okay, everybody, it’s time for some real talk.
I love Target. I think you all know this. We remember this thing, right?
I need to win this gift card.
Can you even imagine all the bullshit I could buy with this?! Here’s a short list of things I’ve already identified that I could buy if I win this gift card:
1. A portable karaoke machine so I can serenade Rob all over the house with his (least) favorite song of all time, This is How We Do It.
3. Just so nobody accused me of being selfish and leaving Rob out of this, I’d send him to Target so he could buy lube. But not just any lube — specifically, Gun Oil, and not because we need lube, but because I can’t stop laughing about the idea of standing in line with a bottle of lube that looks like a bullet and is called GUN OIL.
4. I’ve never had the opportunity to do the whole “beat the pinata with a stick” thing. Unless you count the time when I was nine and we made homemade pinatas at Vacation Bible School and I accidentally hit my brother in the head with a baseball bat after he blindfolded me and I just assumed he had moved out of the way. I want a real pinata that will rain down candy and scratch-off lottery tickets on me.
5. A home epilator that I can use on Rob’s face while he sleeps. This one is called the Emjoi, which is hysterical because they’re trying to make it sound like “enjoy”, which, judging by the reviews on the Target website, you very much will not enjoy using it. Here’s a direct quote from one of the reviews: “First 3 times of use, oh did it hurt! The noise was terrifying. After a few more tries, I barely notice any pain.” I’m guessing the “barely noticing the pain” part comes after you’ve become physically and emotionally numb to the trauma this thing inflicts on your body. I’m also intrigued by the terrifying noise. I bet Rob will also be intrigued when he hears it at 3am.
So, here’s where you come in: in order for me to buy these things, I need your help. Please pop over to Mommy Shorts and vote for me in the Method Horrible Household Smells Contest. I mean, I would prefer that you vote for me. If you really see one that you like more than mine, well, I can’t stop you from following your heart. But if you do vote for me, I would be forever grateful.
You can vote once a day here until September 17th. It’s going to be a looooooong week for me, guys. As a thank you for voting, though, here’s a nice picture of a cat!