Embarassing Papers I’ve Written

I recently went through some of my old CD-RWs in an attempt to clean up our computer area.  I found one with some of my old schoolwork on it from undergrad and grad school(s).  Guess what?  By the time you acquire two or three liberal arts degrees, (especially ones that Forbes deems to be the worst degrees possible) you’ve also acquired a nice collection of essays with ridiculous titles and topics:

1.  “Rebels With a Cause”.
Jesus Christ.

2.  El Futuro de Puerto Rico: Independencia o Cultura?”
The two most painful double-spaced pages I’ve ever written.

3.  “The Watergate Scandal: A Bibliographic Essay”.
Probably one of the most exciting essays I’ve ever writtezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

4.  An All-Star Librarian Tea Party: Carnegie, Allain, MacLeish, and Dix”.
Awwww shit, I can’t wait to party with these dues, AMIRITE?!?!!

5.  “Jane Eyre and David Copperfield: The Gendered Bildungsroman”.
Here’s a hot tip: when coming up with a topic for a conference paper you’re going to read to a room full of strangers, DON’T PICK ONE WITH A LONG-ASS, AWKWARD GERMAN WORD THAT YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO REPEAT OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

6.  “We Are Family: Trotula, the Trotula Majora, and Female Empowerment”.
Bonus points for quoting Sister Sledge and using a source that kind of sounds like the scientific term for a vagina.

So don’t worry, everyone!  That $45,000 in student loan debt totally wasn’t a waste of money!  THANK YOU TAXPAYERS!  IMMA TOTALLY PAY YOU BACK SOMEDAY!*

*not really.

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9 Responses to Embarassing Papers I’ve Written

  1. I wish I could obliterate all of the articles I wrote for my high school newspaper into oblivion. I think the worst one I wrote was an indictment of my peers and our generation’s lack of respect for our elders.

    And no, I did not have any friends.

  2. Janel says:

    Fortunately for me, I didn’t write for the school paper, and my family didn’t own a computer in high school. On a related note, I also feel fortunate that Facebook/Myspace did not exist when I was a teenager.

  3. LOL! I especially loved your commentary on them. Every once in a while I look over my past school work. It’s good for a laugh.

  4. Nicole says:

    I will love you forever, not for the pseudo-vagina, but for the first one. Really, I’m devoted to you now. Because Jesus *Christ*, indeed. (But I’m not throwing stones! Glass houses baby.)

  5. Janel says:

    Caryn: Thanks!

    Nicole: I’m glad you appreciate good writing. I hope your devotion comes with candy.

  6. I’d like a copy of the Watergate scandal paper.

  7. Janel says:

    You’d be better off with a prescription for Ambien.

  8. I so wish you lived closer. I do love a good Super Geek friend — and you, my dear, have some stellar credentials.

  9. Janel says:

    Awww. You had me at “super geek”. 🙂

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