I recently went through some of my old CD-RWs in an attempt to clean up our computer area. I found one with some of my old schoolwork on it from undergrad and grad school(s). Guess what? By the time you acquire two or three liberal arts degrees, (especially ones that Forbes deems to be the worst degrees possible) you’ve also acquired a nice collection of essays with ridiculous titles and topics:
1. “Rebels With a Cause”.
2. “El Futuro de Puerto Rico: Independencia o Cultura?”
The two most painful double-spaced pages I’ve ever written.
3. “The Watergate Scandal: A Bibliographic Essay”.
Probably one of the most exciting essays I’ve ever writtezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
4. “An All-Star Librarian Tea Party: Carnegie, Allain, MacLeish, and Dix”.
Awwww shit, I can’t wait to party with these dues, AMIRITE?!?!!
5. “Jane Eyre and David Copperfield: The Gendered Bildungsroman”.
Here’s a hot tip: when coming up with a topic for a conference paper you’re going to read to a room full of strangers, DON’T PICK ONE WITH A LONG-ASS, AWKWARD GERMAN WORD THAT YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO REPEAT OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
6. “We Are Family: Trotula, the Trotula Majora, and Female Empowerment”.
Bonus points for quoting Sister Sledge and using a source that kind of sounds like the scientific term for a vagina.
So don’t worry, everyone! That $45,000 in student loan debt totally wasn’t a waste of money! THANK YOU TAXPAYERS! IMMA TOTALLY PAY YOU BACK SOMEDAY!*